2013 - Finding Our Town Sonoma - Don & Marylou
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From the very first date, I knew there was something special about Marylou. What began as a simple idea—finding “Our Town”—became a shared journey that led us to Sonoma, where we found not just a house, but our life together.
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It’s funny how quickly something can feel right. From the very first date, I fell in love with Marylou. There was something about her warmth, her insight, her sense of humor, and her quiet confidence that drew me in completely. On our second date, when I pulled up to her house, I saw a “For Sale” sign in the yard. She was selling her home in Petaluma.
I remember saying, half-joking but half-serious, “It’s early in our relationship to say this, but if things go as I think they will, I’d like us to end up in our house someday.”
She smiled, understanding exactly what I meant. That conversation marked the beginning of something important—not just the idea of living together, but the idea of building a shared life.
We agreed that if this relationship continued the way we hoped, we would start by finding “Our Town.” At first, we thought we’d look in the places we already knew—Petaluma, where she was living, and Healdsburg, where I was. But the more we talked about it, the clearer it became that buying in either of our existing hometowns wasn’t right. We wanted to start fresh, in a place that belonged equally to both of us.
So we started exploring, and both agreed on Sonoma. It had that small-town charm, a strong sense of community, and a slower rhythm of life that felt right for where we were in ours.
Marylou was going to buy the house first. We agreed that if our relationship continued as we expected, I would reimburse her for half the down payment and start paying half of all the expenses. I also told her something I felt strongly about: I would make sure the house she bought was one she could afford on her own if, for any reason, our relationship didn’t work out. I didn’t want her to ever feel financially vulnerable.
From there, we dove into the search. Marylou is an experienced homebuyer with great taste—she has a sharp eye for light, layout, and detail—and she took the lead on the aesthetic side.
I handled the financial side, creating a simple framework to guide us. I even drew concentric circles radiating out from Sonoma Plaza—the closer to the Plaza, the higher the price; the farther out, the more affordable. It gave us a rational way to weigh each home we saw against its cost.
We looked at many houses. During that time, I took my kids on a trip through Eastern Europe, but even from there, I stayed involved, sending financial evaluations from my laptop. While I was gone, Marylou saw a house she loved. By chance, I was returning a few days later, and she and the realtor took me to see it.
The moment I walked in, I felt it too—this was the house. The seller was taking bids that Monday, with the highest offer getting it. Our broker told us, “Make your best offer.” We sat down together and carefully crafted a bid that stretched to the very edge of what Marylou could afford.
It worked. We got the house.
About a year later, at a neighborhood gathering, one of our new neighbors said, “I wanted your house. I bid $30,000 less because I thought I could get it for that. I’ve regretted it ever since.”
Marylou and I just smiled at each other. We knew we’d made the right decision.
Two years later, we got married, and I made good on my commitment—I paid her back for half the down payment, and from that day forward, everything about the house was truly shared.
And that’s how we ended up with Our House, in Our Town Sonoma.
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These reflections were added to highlight a few themes that often emerge when looking back on a life experience.
Light Insights
Love + Intentionality
Falling in love didn’t replace logic—it worked alongside it. This story shows how heart and clarity can move together.
Creating “Ours”
Choosing Sonoma wasn’t about picking one past over another—it was about creating something new together.
Care Through Structure
Making sure Marylou could afford the house on her own was more than financial—it was an act of respect and care.
Complementary Strengths
Her eye for design and your financial framework created better decisions together than either alone.
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Shadow Insights
Moving Quickly
Early clarity is powerful—but it also carries risk if not balanced with reflection.
Stretching Financially
Reaching for the right house can push decisions to the edge of comfort.
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Deeper Theme
This is not just a story about buying a house.
It’s about building a shared life—by aligning values early and acting on them together.
